There's been a lot going on lately. Only my closest friends know exactly what's happening... and only my closest friends read this (I think), so I won't explain at length the details. Money, as much as I dislike the concept and choose to not let it control me, has become a problem.
With race mechanic school being paid for and my spot awaiting me, it is now paramount that I get myself out there in time. With already diminished funds, having signed my condo over to the bank and an unexpected repair to the van, it became evident that saving up enough money to get there may not be possible. Cue the untimely termination of my job.
Just when things were looking to be the most difficult, as I was reeling from a succession of blows, the knockout punch was delivered and I hit the mat. Unbelievable how I could be let go just a month before I was going to amicably part ways with my employer, with which I have been entirely honest from the start that I planned to leave for Colorado in November. The same employer who threatened to not hire me back after being laid off for the winter if I didn't agree to finish the year instead of leaving in July like I originally planned. Looking back, knowing now the quality of business owner I was dealing with, it would have been better (and more satisfying to be doing the screwing, rather than being screwed) to not have said anything at all and just gave my two weeks when I was ready to go.
Instead, the last two paychecks I was counting on to fund my trip West won't be attained. My employer also was unwilling to let me collect my full unemployment benefits, which I know is bullshit and I could go before an appeals board and surely win. But rather than go through all the effort, I did something way more satisfying. I had some of my good friends get me a job at my previous employer's biggest rival shop. I started the very next day after my last day at the other place, not skipping a beat.
Though this new job doesn't pay quite the same, the caliber of talent who work there, in only three days, have given me the necessary leads to help me find work immediately after receiving my race mechanic license. So maybe it was for the best. The saddest thing about losing my job was no longer being able to serve the customers that I have gotten to know on a personal level who have grown to trust me with their bikes.
One of them, who I believe to be one of those people put in our lives at just the right time, has shared some wisdom with me that has completely changed the way I view my financial situation. Regarding my foreclosure and outstanding debt to the bank, he told me that banks don't lend money out of the kindness of their hearts, nor because they think Nick is a heck of a nice guy and they want to do him a favor. They are in business and that business is only to earn a profit on the interest they'll collect from the money they lent me. In all business, there is risk. The risks that banks take is that some people will default on their loans. Their business models calculate for this risk as a percentage. They took a chance on me, I defaulted, they lose.
My friend told me that by no means should I feel guilty about it. He said we are taught from when we are young that if we borrow something from someone we should return it. But regarding banks and loans, it is business and nothing else. I was pretty worried about what would happen to me if I didn't pay back my loans, but not any more. He assured me that there is a protocol that banks follow to collect their money. They will try to call me, my place of work, my family members. They will try to sound sympathetic and play with my emotions, but all they care about is their business, not about me. There's nothing they can do to harm me personally and the government has laws in place to protect me, so not to worry. My mind is at ease now. Raj, I know you're reading this, so, thank you.
Speaking of things becoming more difficult as time goes on, the last race of the H2H season, the Leafblower at Ringwood State Park, was this passed Sunday. My friend, Ryan has already taken the Cat 1 30-39 series title, so he had chosen to race up and enter the Pro/Cat 1 Open division. The rules say that once you race up, you can't downgrade during that season, but since it was the last race of the season it didn't matter. That's how I was convinced to do the Pro race with him.
On top of racing against guys that are insanely fast, the pros also race a longer distance, typically one more lap than the Elite riders do. Four laps at Ringwood is not impossible for me, but ideally I don't want to take 5 hours to do 30 miles and find out that everyone had packed up to go home by the time I finished. Much to my chagrin, when I went to pick up my number I discovered, by some miracle, that the Pros would only be doing 3 laps, just like the Elite field. Phew!
Rewind a bit though. The night before, I was so stressed about my situation that I couldn't sleep. I was doing calculations for how much gas money I'd need to cover the distance and got overwhelmed. So I got up to use a calculator. I realized I wouldn't make enough money through wages alone to cover it, which made it even harder to fall asleep. It was after 2am when I finally did. When I woke up, though, I saw that it was an absolutely perfect Fall day, I was really excited to be riding at Ringwood, and I was going to see all my friends.
I had just finished reading "The Alchemist" and particularly enjoyed the message it sent. The take home message was the importance of listening to your heart. It speaks the language of the universe, the language spoken by all things. When we are living in accordance with our own personal legends, we should look for omens to assure us we're on the right path. When I was driving to Ringwood, I was looking for the parking area at Shepard Lake. I had been there before, but didn't remember how to get there. Instead of checking a map before I left, I decided to just wing it. When I turned down a road I wasn't sure of, a red Jeep Cherokee passed me coming the other way. An omen, I thought. Turned out it was the correct road and I made it to Shepard Lake.
Since I had entered the Pro/Cat 1 race, I was to receive a single-digit number plate. I may have mentioned before that I am superstitious when it comes to race numbers. My lucky number is 6, so when I got a 3-digit race number, if it had a 6 in it I was happy. If it didn't, I would try to create some kind of equation with the three numbers to try and equal 6. For example, my number at the World Cup was 263. So that was double lucky because 2x3=6 and it had a 6 in it already. So I was hoping my number would be 6 and when the lady handed it to me, I got really excited! But my excitement was short-lived because when I saw the orientation of the text, I realized that my number was indeed 9. Not bad, though. 3 goes into 9 3 times, so 3+3=6 and 9-3=6. See? Lucky.
I actually knew I didn't stand a fighting chance with these guys, so I resorted to settling into my place at the back and riding, not so much racing the course. I felt great, it was a beautiful day, and the trails were in perfect condition. I was thinking about "The Alchemist" as I was riding. The boy in the story learns to communicate with nature (not in the sense that you might initially suspect) by speaking the language of the universe, the same language spoken by our hearts. I decided to give it a try. The terrain was rocky and at a race pace, it shook my hands to the point where my fingers ached from holding the grips so tightly. When I was descending a fire road section at 20+ mph, I asked the earth to show me the smoothest line. The earth said it didn't know, but to ask the water. The water was flowing down the fire road and it told me to follow it, since water follows the path of least resistance. I must sound crazy, but this actually was going through my head out there.
At times like these, when one can ask their self how much worse can a situation get before it gets better, we're reminded that the darkest hour comes right before the dawn. Sometimes when things are going badly, at the time we don't understand why. But when we are on our path and we are patient, eventually we learn to view the situation in a different way, and we're able to see the underlying good in everything.
The way I viewed my number when I was on my bike.
